The Girl I Never Married

As I approach my 63rd birthday still revoltingly single, this past weekend I reflected on the qualities I most admire in the woman I never married. I thought I would share them with you. You can all use a good laugh, right? Most of these qualities need no explanation. Of course, I would never have expected my ideal lady to possess all ten of these qualities. But it would have been nice to have met “Miss 60-80%”.

(1)      Sense of humor. My gal would have to have this to put up with a looney tune like me.

(2)       Intelligent. I used to be a member of MENSA (no longer — I can’t afford the dues). I could never live with a girl who has to study for a blood test. I apologize if that sounds high handed but I yam what I yam, as Popeye used to say.

(3)      A willingness to live in a Colonial style home on lots of land. In 1986 I built a 3000-square foot all-brick Colonial style home on 5 acres in Virginia. It turned out to be a money pit that would make Tom Hanks and Shelley Long proud but it did leave me fond memories after cleaning out my wallet!

(4)      Dining Out – I do love to eat in restaurants. But never alone, so a companion would have been nice .

(5)      Antiques. I used to love to roam through antiques shops. But then I have always said that I would have been more at home in the 18th Century than the 20th Century. Which also explains why I am an outsider in the 21st Century.

(6)      Traveling. One of my great passions was staying in motels and hotels, and sightseeing in cities and places new to me, or even places I have been before. Throw in my absolute love of trains and train stations and you get a clue as to my yearning to wander.

(7)      Romantic. I have always been a one woman man (though more often than not I was a no woman man). So call me a romantic fool … while you also call me a nut.

(8)      Interested in American History. This is a quality that I probably would never find in my imaginary mate but as long as I am dreaming, what the hell.

(9)      Music of the 1950’s and 1960’s. My ideal gal would hopefully love the old songs, too. Then throw in my love of radio announcing to the mix and enough said.

(10)  Loves the Philadelphia Phillies. I saw my first game at Connie Mack Stadium in September of 1958, and many more thereafter at Connie Mack and The Vet. I am still a big fan of my Phillies. It would have been nice to have met a girl who shared my love of the Whiz Kids and their descendants.

So much for my daydreaming. By the way, to paraphrase Groucho Marx, I would never have married a girl that would want to marry someone like me!


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